Eesh.

I KNOW, I know. I suck.

I haven't posted here in over three months. I keep being lazy and forgetting, but I promise I'll start posting again.. Super soon!

Don't give up on me & DFTBA.
Kay.

Just a quick update

Well, not a whole lot's been going on in my life this month, so I haven't had a whole lot to post about.

The only thing I can really think to talk about that's happened recently is I applied for a couple jobs at Bristol Hospital. My mom told me that someone pulled my application so I should be getting a call sometime soon for an interview. The job that I'm getting considered for isn't one that I applied for, but if it's all they'll give me, I'll certainly take it. I applied for general support associate and food service.. something, haha. Apparently the food service job needs experience, but I'm being considered for something else where I'll be working in the cafeteria. I wouldn't mind that, but the only thing I don't like is that the job is per diem. So, I'm hoping that I'll get lucky and someone will consider me for the general support job. That one's full time (36 hours a week and every other weekend), and I'd much rather do that job then work in the cafeteria. Everyone's asked me why I'd rather clean up after people than do stuff that's cafeteria-related, and the truth is I really don't know. I like to clean, I guess, as long as it's not my own stuff I'm cleaning, haha.

Well, wish me luck with this, because I'd really love to get a job. If my first job is something where I'm employed by Bristol Hospital instead of fast food or bagging groceries, it would be great. -keeps fingers crossed-


Love, peace and DFTBA,
Kay

I haven't posted here in three weeks?!

I really am one lazy sonofayaknow, aren't I? (Warning: this post is probably going to be kinda disorganized and all over the place, just try to work with me, kay? haha)

Not much has really been going on, though, so it's not like I have anything huge to post about. Well, I turned seventeen two days after my last post, and I was pretty busy for a while. I wasn't doing anything important, really, but I was busy nonetheless.

I really only have two things to talk about here today, so I'll get to those.

1: I made a lot of new-year goals for myself after my birthday. To my surprise, I'm doing pretty well on those. My main goal was quit smoking. Well, for the first week and a half, that didn't work very well. However, I'm proud to say that as of today, I haven't had a cigarette in five days. Granted, I've been cranky and arguing with my mom over the most insignificant things for no reason, but still, haha. It's nice to know that I'm actually capable of doing things if I really set my mind to it. I won't go into details about my other goals cause I don't want to jinx anything, but know that I am workin' on making my life a whole lot better.

2: I've been sick for the past week and a half. I've been to the Emergency Room twice in the past five days. Both trips were fairly useless though, because they can't figure out what's wrong with me. I'm starting to feel a bit better, though, so it probably was just a bad virus. Even so, I still have ANOTHER doctor to go to on Friday. I am so sick of seeing people with medical degrees. If I find out anything new, I'll be sure to post it here.

I've really got nothing else to talk about at the moment. Sure, if I stopped and thought for a few minutes I could probably think of a whole bunch of things to ramble on about, but, for now, I just wanna go lay down and sip my iced tea. I'll try to be much more active in my posting in the near future, I promise.

In the meantime,
Love, Peace & DFTBA,
Kay.

This is the opposite of jokes. This is tragedies.

In case you haven't heard the news yet, the great George Carlin died yesterday due to heart failure. To be blunt, this just straight up fuckin' sucks.
Those who know me well enough know that my favorite two comedians are Mitch Hedberg and George Carlin. Hedberg's been dead for three years now, and now Carlin's gone. Must all the great humor be sucked straight out of my life? -_-;
Something happened today that was sort of strange. My mother has one of George Carlin's books, When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops, (which I've stolen from her, haha) and I randomly decided to read it again after looking over the books in my bookshelf. I read for about an hour or so before deciding to check my MySpace. Somewhere on the second page of bulletins I saw this:




Warning: This next paragraph will have some words not suitable for minors.

My first thought? "Yeah okay, lying sack of shit, George Carlin's not dead." Then I opened the bulletin and read. My second thought? "Holy fucking shit, he's really dead. Excuse me, when the fuck did this happen?" Then I read the actual article which randomly made me come to my third thought; "Woah.. That's weird.. I was just reading one of his books."

Before I start ranting more, I'm just going to post what I came here to post; A simple blog in memory of an amazingly funny man.

R.I.P. George Carlin.
May 12th, 1937 - June 22nd, 2008

"lolwut?"

Considering I'm still feeling really lazy, (and I really don't want to write about anything that's going on in my life right now) I stole this from some random website to keep you entertained.




Questions to make you think...

A stitch in time saves nine what?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright

Are female moths called myths?

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?

Are there any unguided missiles?

Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?

Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?

Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

Could crop-circles be the work of a cereal killer?

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do boxer shorts box?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do clowns wear really big socks?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?

Do fish get thirsty?

Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do mass murderers kill only in church?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do steam rollers really roll steam?

Do television evangelists do more than lay people? --Stanley Ralph Moss

Do vampires get AIDS?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? --Steven Wright

Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?

Does an analyst have to be anal? --Adam Rifkin

Does killing time damage eternity?

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? I don't get it. --Steven Wright

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?

Have you ever wondered?

How can someone "draw a blank"?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows?

How come I can pick my ears but not my nose?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

How dead is the Dead Sea?

How did a fool and his money get together?

How did the man who invented cottage cheese know he was done?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?

How do you get off a nonstop flight?

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?

How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?

How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?

How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

How is it possible to have a "civil" war?

How is it possible to run out of space?

How long is the long arm of the law?

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?

How much milk is there in the Milky Way?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"

If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?

If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?

If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright

If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?

If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?

If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? --Steven Wright

If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?

If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer

If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?

If all the world is a stage, where are the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?

If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright

If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?

If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?

If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant

If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?

If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright

If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?

If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?

If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright

If I save time, when do I get it back?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?

If the 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still 2?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? --Art Hoppe

If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?

If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?

If you're a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?

Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?

Is "tired old cliché" one?

Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?

Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?

Is a small pig called a hamlet?

Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?

Is drilling for oil boring?

Is duck tape made out of ducks?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?

Is the nose the scenter of the face?

Is this bullshit or fertilizer?

Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?

Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?

The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?

Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?

What are imitation rhinestones?

What do batteries run on?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do penguins wear for play clothes?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?

What do they call a French kiss in France?

What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?

What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What do you call male ballerinas?

What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What happened to the first 6 UP's?

What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice? --Steven Wright

What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?

What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?

What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?

What happens when none of your bees wax?

What happens when you swallow your pride?

What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead?

What if someone died in the living room?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

What is "Soft Liquor"?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice?

What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?

What is the diameter of a square?

What is the speed of dark?

What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?

What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?

What's the synonym for thesaurus?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When day breaks who fixes it?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

When night falls who picks it up?

When people lose weight, where does it go?

When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?

When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?

Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?

Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?

Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?

Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

Where does your lap go when you stand up?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Where is Old Zealand?

Which is the other side of the street?

Who killed the Dead Sea?

Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?

Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

Why are highways build so close to the ground?

Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes?

Why are some gay people so unhappy?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

Why are violets blue and not violet?

Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?

Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?

Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?

Why can't we tickle ourselves?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why did the pot call the kettle black?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? --Fred Allen

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?

Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?

Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?

Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?

Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?

Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? --Larry Anderson

Why do people tell you when they are speechless?

Why do pigs have curly tails?

Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Why do they call it life insurance?

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2"?

Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?

Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?

Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?

Why do they make scented toilet paper?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo?

Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated?

Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?

Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag?

Why do we say "a pair of pants" when there is only one article of clothing involved?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things?

Why do you feet smell and your nose runs?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic?

Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries?

Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?

Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

Why don't they just make food stamps edible?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why get even, when you can get odd?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? --Amboy Dukes

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why is clear considered a color?

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click .."?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemonsWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? --Steven Wright

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? --Lily Tomlin

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why was Evelyn Wood in such a hurry?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

DFTBA,

Kay.

Ergh, sorry.

I have to apologize for my laziness. I've had my new computer for almost two weeks now (Thanks, Auntie Sharon & Uncle Bill, for all the help with getting it for me), and I've still yet to post anything here. Part of the blame goes to me being fairly busy with friends, part goes to the exhaustion I've been feeling while not with friends, and part goes to my laziness and lack of anything interesting to say.

It's not just Blogger I've been neglecting, though. I've also got multiple e-mails to reply to, many subscriptions to catch up on, and many things to find. Once I've gotten everything sorted out I'll post another blog. It probably won't be long, because I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. I'm just not sure yet what I want to put down in text form and what I want to keep locked up in this little brain of mine.

I'll be updating soon, though, so be on the lookout for more unnecessary babbling from me in the hopefully near future.

Love, peace, & DFTBA.
Kay.

Windows Vista = FEPIC PHAIL.

Like many others who have Windows Vista as an operating system on their computer, my hard drive crashed.
GRRRR.
All of my pictures (over 300), videos (about 30 or so), songs (500+), movies (9, I think), stories (4 -___-;), e-books (more than 100), bookmarked sites (200), programs (like, 40) and miscellaneous files (uhh, a lot) are GONE because of this.
I was just about ready to cry >.<
Vista sucks at, well, everything, and no one should ever have to use it -_-; It shouldn't even exist.
Now I'm computer-less, and only allowed to use my mom's when no one else is home cause my bro's on it all the god damn time even though he has a perfectly working computer in his room.
-mumbles obscenities-
Ugh! I hate not having a computer. I'm gonna get really really behind on everything I subscribe to.
I probably won't be posting any blogs in the next couple days, considering I won't have the means or the time to.
Until I return...

DFTBA,
Kay.

"I'm now at the end of my eternity..

... And I will sleep to have the darkest dreams. This just won't seem right to me. I close my eyes, and beg for peace. Jersey just got colder and, I'll have you know I'm scared to death that everything that you had said to me was just a lie until you left. Now I'm hoping just a little bit stronger. Hold me up just a little bit longer. I'll be fine, I swear. I'm just gone beyond repair."


So, those who know me well enough know that I have extreme trust issues. I used to give my complete trust to a VERY few select people. One passed away almost two years ago, one betrayed me, and the most recent one left me around a time where I needed him most.

I know, you're probably thinking, "Oh, but you must've trusted people when you were a little kid, right?" No. I didn't. When I was a kid I trusted my mother to an extent, but she never had my complete trust, because I'd been taught by my elders that what you see on the outside isn't always completely what's going on. Like, strangers with candy. They appear nice at first, but then they kidnap you and murder you or something. Also, I wasn't the most naive little girl in the world, and I knew that life wasn't compiled of rainbows and butterflies. I'd been exposed to the "crap of the real world" as far back as my memory allows.

I'd always been a little suspicious of everybody. Sure, I trusted people MORE when I was younger, but I never gave my complete trust until I had gotten a little bit older. Even then, the first person I ever 100% trusted was my grandmother. For the fifteen years that I'd known her, she had not ONCE let me down. I swear, that woman was a saint. A sarcastic saint with an attitude that I, now, admire, but a saint nonetheless. When she got cancer and passed away, a part of me was somewhat angry at her for dying. I know it sounds idiotic, but, at the time, I felt like she had betrayed my trust by leaving me. I kept thinking she just didn't care enough to fight for her life or something. Now, looking back, I'm ashamed of the way I used to think. I don't blame her, and I miss her like hell, but since she's been gone I felt like there wasn't a single person in this world I could trust.

It took over two months for me to realize that not all people in existence are completely and utterly untrustworthy, and I began to slightly trust people again. Still, not 100% trust, but at least it was somethin'. The first person who finally gained my complete trust ended up betraying me. I'm not going to go into that story or name names, but, once again, I was knocked back into the place where all people suck and don't deserve my trust.

A year passes, (a really tiring year, mind you) and finally, FINALLY, one more person inched their way to gaining all of my trust (I'll give you one guess as to who that was). He kept it for a few months, before May 11th hit. If you actually read all of my blogs, you know what happened on that day, so I don't have to go into that story.

Now, after all this, the point of this blog really is that I don't know what to do. My trust issues just keep getting worse, and worse, and worse. It's gotten to the point that it's just one teensy tiny step up above complete and total paranoia. I don't like people getting close to me, because I'm afraid that they're just using me. Similar to the song quote I put at the beginning of this blog (by the way, the song is Jersey by Mayday Parade if anyone's wondering), I'm scared that most of the things people say to me are just lies to keep me content until they don't need me anymore. I'm also afraid that there is going to be a point in my life where no one will need me anymore, or that I'll end up driving everybody away because, well, let's face it, no one wants to stick around with a person who's insanely suspicious of absolutely everything around her.

Can someone stop this ride? Because I'd really love to get off.

May 20th. Take a stand.

Someone in one of the cults I'm a member of on VF posted this, and I think it's a really great idea.
It's like the day of silence, but completely opposite.
May 20th is Homophobia Is Gay Day.
Take a stand, and let people know homophobia is wrong.

Two hypothetical questions...

The first one's a two parter.

1a: If you have a clone, and you kill it, is it murder or suicide?
1b: If you have a TON of clones, and you kill them all, and then commit suicide, does it count as genocide?

&&

2: If you sleep with a zombie, does it count as necrophilia?

Meh, I was in a "wtf" mood, and crap like this comes when I'm in these kinds of moods, haha.

DFTBA,
Kay.

It's tiny things that help.

Knowing that there are people out there who TRULY appreciate every kind thing done for them, helps me believe that there are good people in this world, no matter how bad they may mess up.

Today, I saw two people that I helped out a while back, (I won't say who they are, or what I did for them, because it then makes the good deed kind of selfish) but I know that they're still grateful for my help that night. One of the two used to dislike me, for no reason really, and the other I'd barely spoken to twice in my life, but they were in a pretty bad situation, and I went completely out of my way to make sure I would help in any way possible.

It's now about two or three months later, and every time I see them, they always smile and nod at me. I saw the two today, and one of them called me "sweetheart". Normally, I'd think nothing of that, and just assume that it's something that he calls a lot of people, but I've heard him speak with other people a lot, and not once have I heard him call anyone that.

Knowing that they still appreciate what I did for them that one night, months ago, really made me feel about 10 times better than I had been feeling today. It made me feel like I'm maybe not as shitty a person as I think I am sometimes...

I just wish more people could be like those two.

Hmm, DFTBA.
Kay.

Eff me in the A.

Apparently I jinxed myself with my May 5th post (which I've now deleted if you don't know what I'm talking about.. I'm not talking about the blog about Hank Green's birthday -_-;).

The boy broke up with me earlier today.

I have nothing to say about that, except..

I really hope he finds someone new, who's great, smart, loving, open, outgoing, beautiful, quirky, and everything else that I couldn't be for him.
I hope he finds someone with a great future ahead of them. Someone less taken down by life, because I know he can't handle more crap.
He deserves that person.


Forevermore, DFTBA.

What the fack.

Okay, so my mom has this book club thing where she orders books and they mail them to her. One box with three books came today. Since I'm a curious person, I decided to check out what books she got. Two of them were insignificant to this post, and one is what I have to talk about.

My mom ordered a book called "Is Your Teen Stressed or Depressed? A Practical and Inspirational Guide for Parents of Hurting Teenagers."

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Excuse me!?

Let's take a look at this...
The first paragraph of the description is:

"The teen years are hard enough. But with today’s increased pressures to produce at school, stay in step with being cool, and manage a jam-packed schedule, it’s no wonder many teens are overwhelmed. The result is a generation experiencing greater stress and feeling more depressed than any other."

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
One. I don't go to school, so I have no pressures to produce at school. Two, I do NOT have even a SLIGHTLY "jam-packed" schedule. Three, "stay in step with being cool"?!? REALLY!? Do I seem like the type of person who worries about "being cool"?


Hold up! Wait a minute! It gets better! Let's read the last two paragraphs of the description.

"This book will inspire and equip parents to help their hurting teens. The well-known and widely respected author team of Dr. Catherine Hart Weber and Dr. Arch Hart help parents discover and identify nervousness, irritability, negativity, and low self-esteem, and determine whether their teen’s symptoms are caused by physical problems, raging hormones, stress, or depression. Offering practical suggestions, spiritual solutions, and encouragement, this resource helps parents and teens face their own feelings of fear, anger, and hurt.

Is Your Teen Stressed or Depressed? will help parents determine whether their child is simply acting like a hormone-raging teenager, or is actually suffereing from too much stress or even depression."


UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. REALLY?!

FIRST of all, there's a fepic typo in the description. "Suffereing", you say? Now what does THAT mean? Second of all, if they can't even spell suffering correctly, how are they supposed to be able to determine the difference between a "hormone-raging teenager" and a teenager with too much stress or depression?

Shouldn't people, ya know, leave that up to professionals to determine that sort of thing?

"this resource helps parents and teens face their own feelings of fear, anger, and hurt."

I seriously, ALMOST, can't believe my mom would buy a book like this. Just... UGH. I'm not mad at her or anything. More like taken aback that she thinks she needs a book to interpret my feelings, and that she thinks that a book probably written by Christians can help a mental problem such as depression through spiritual "solutions". If you're a real doctor, keep your spiritual crap out of my medicine. Please and thanks.

Everyone else, DFTBA.
Kay.

ZOMG IT'S HANK'S BIRTHDAY.

Nerdfighter birthday collab. (Toddly00, Drakesizzle, walllofweird, dscom0nkie, acheronwalthers, lianeandthemusic, residentmikelee, italktosnakes, FallofautumnDistro)



Hank's reaction xD (Neverftba)



John's video, in which he forgets to do something awesome for Hank. (vlogbrothers)



Abby from Songs From A Hat's awesome song & Birthday wishes from Jerry (Abby2R ft. jerryhcooke)



Nerdfighter chicks are more awesome (ScarheadProductions)



Wait, who the eff is Hank?! (Cmed1970)




All these people are made of awesome, especially Hank!
Goodbye 27-year-old Hank!! Happy Birthday. <3

PERFECT song for me right now.

If you've ever seen Ghost Ship, you know this song.

Lyrics:
Silent in my sanity
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

I let you win, you come on to me
And you're so fucking brave
A chewed out lighted candle
Fell in my cool and empty cave
Somewhere in your world
They tell you this is what the people need
Doing all that shit on me
And leave me here to bleed

Cradle falls
(I live save inside my cell)
(In the darkness that surrounds me)
Unholy walls

Cradle falls, unholy walls
Cradle falls

Silent in my sanity
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

You woke me out of my secret grave
You let your pretty world in

Cradle falls
(I live silently inside my cell)
(You woke me out of my sin)
Unholy walls
(You woke me out of my secret grave)
(You let your pretty world in)
Fall...

Now you're in my world
Did you dream it be so small
My little box was perfect
'Till you destroyed it all
My sanctity of sorrow gone
Forever in it's place
The sacred sweet of you
Is all that's left to taste

Feeling claustrophobic
Now my world is closing in
Subtle retribution
Where I am and where I've been
I'll take you to a place
You never knew could be
Curled up, in my little box

Cradle falls


- My Little Box by Gabriel Mann



I'm not even going to write anything else, because it's extremely self-explanatory. Interpret it as you will, but if you know me, you should be able to understand.

Blurb.

My hope/sanity/patience is wearing much too thin.

R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

"I'm thinking maybe I'm actually gettin' close to finding out who I am..."

Believe me, uttering that line (or anything to it's effects) is not a way to gain my respect.
Tell me that you know who you are. You don't have to know what your purpose on earth is or where you're going in life. Just tell me that you know WHO you are, and I'll respect you. Even hinting that you're not sure who you are makes me believe that you can't know who I am, and if you can't know who I am, I don't want to associate with you, and I certainly don't want to respect you. You can't know other people if you don't know yourself.


"It's my -insert number here- month/year clean today."

NEVER a good way to earn my respect.
Sure, that's cool that you've gone however long you have without using drugs, but the fact that you USED to be addicted to some substance or other isn't cool. Tell me on your deathbed that you haven't touched a single mind-altering substance in your entire life and you'll gain my utmost respect. But if you've still got a lot of livin' to do, and you tell me you've kicked a habit for part of your life, I won't care. You still have time to mess up.


"I haven't eaten meat in -insert number here- months/years."

That's supposed to GAIN my respect?
-insert ticked off look here- Vegetarians/Vegans ANNOY me. It's great that you're doing something about something you believe in, but that's just idiotic. Animals are here for a reason. To feed us and give us nutrition. Being a vegetarian is not a healthy lifestyle, no matter WHAT you say. And either way, they're going to keep killin' the animals (If you even THINK of saying "supply and demand" about that, I'm going to supply my foot up your ass and demand you shut up). So, if you're livin' with other meat-eaters and they throw away a little bit of meat for every time you don't eat, that's a waste of life. Think a little, please.


"I've never talked bad about another person."

Hahahahaha.. Hahahaha... Hahaha.. Haha.. Ohh wow.
I just have somethin' to call you, and it definitely ain't somethin' along the lines of someone who deserves more respect from me...
Liar.


"I've never been tempted by others during my relationship/marriage."

Bigger liar. It's human nature to be attracted to more than one person. If you truthfully say to me that you've been tempted, but have never strayed, THAT will gain my respect, because that takes a lot of strength. Put it this way. You're a dog on a leash. It's only fair to give some slack on that leash, but the second you start pullin' on it, you should be yanked back.


"I take everything I do seriously, and make sure it gets done right and on time."

-swallows back bile-
Tight-ass. Has society sucked every single ounce of fun out of you? Did your mommy refuse you cartoons as a child? Was daddy too busy at work to play games with you? Christ, loosen up. It's awesome that you have responsibilities and that you can get stuff done, but I'm not going to respect you MORE unless you know when the time for fun is.


"I think I have a great sense of humor..."

Oh really? Great sense of humor, you say?
Quick.. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?... 1: If you didn't know that the answer to that is "Pizza's don't scream in the oven", then you don't have a great sense of humor. & 2: If you found that offensive and not funny AT ALL, you don't have a great sense of humor. If you have even a slightly good sense of humor, you would have found that joke at least a little bit funny. Sure, it's offensive, but offensive jokes are funny. Anyone who has a great sense of humor doesn't need to SAY that they have a great sense of humor. Prove it to me by being funny, or at least by appreciating a good joke, and I'll respect you.



I'm not saying that saying any of the above mentioned things will make me disrespect you, but saying them to try and GAIN my respect is a big mistake. You want to gain my respect? Be yourself. TRULY yourself. Don't try and be what society has told you to be. Don't try to be what you've been taught to be all your life. Don't try to be what you think other people will appreciate and respect. DO NOT try to impress me. Do NOT tell me things that you think will gain my respect. If you have the balls to stand up to me and confidently be yourself and say "Hey, I fuck up sometimes, but I learn from every fuck up I commit. I may not be perfect, and you can't change me. Take me for everything I am, or leave me for what I'm not.", I'll give you all the respect in the world.



DFTBA, it's important,
Kay.

They're Taking The Hobbits To Isengard!

Ohhhh my gosh. I can't believe I haven't seen this video before.
I have to share it with any non-nerdfighters or non-vlogbrother-watchers. Or even any Nerdfighters who've stumbled upon my blog. But then again, you've probably already seen this video, and not been stupid like me, and accidentally skipped over it >.< Well, some NITs might not have seen this. Gah. Whatever. This video is just made of so much awesome, and if you've seen it once, you should see it again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN! o_o;

It's Hank in Denver Airport.



IT'S SO JOKES!

Never FTBA,
Kay.

Oh, John Green.

"Hank, I'll be the first to admit that the puppy sized elephant would be cuter if it were not so... dead." -cut to picture of small elephant skeleton- "But still! Pretty cute! It turns out that there were several different kinds of miniature elephants, some of which were so small that they were only like, three feet tall. Hank, it's believed that the last species of puppy sized elephant went extinct about four thousand years ago. It's not clear what killed them off, but it might have been people. Oh, people. Why must you ruin everything? In fact, Hank, if I ever do get a letter back from evolution, it's probably going to go something like this:

"Dear Human,
Thank you for your letter. We made you a puppy sized elephant. But then you killed it. Fancy that. You're welcome for your thumbs.
Evolution.""
-John Green (VlogBrothers ep: "A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT")


^ That is one of the most made of awesome quotes I've ever heard in my life. Thank you, John.
I will never be as jokes as Mr. Green, but I can still practically idolize him. His awesome style of writing, his devilishly handsome (and no, YouTube is not devilishly blurry) looks, his quick wit and nerd jokes. Oh, what it must be like to be John Green... Meeting him is definitely on my "TTDBID" list.

I'll keep hoping & You guys DFTBA,
Kay.

Note to self.

Note to self:
Remember this about the boy.

(text message) "Night babe, love toy"
(in my head) "Love toy? Double you tee eff? haha"
(text message) "You* lol Love toy sounds so wrong."

His quirky moments never cease to make you giggle & try not to forget that.


&; DFTBA

Just a note...

In case anyone doesn't understand my blog title thingy, (as I expect 99% of anyone who possibly reads my blog won't) it sort of means that I believe what I do is never quite good enough. "Jokes" = Cool. If anyone's a Nerdfighter out there, you understand how "jokes" became the word to replace "cool". But yeah, I've never been quite cool enough for many people's standards. However, to me, this isn't a terrible thing. I roll with it as best I can. I try to just go with my own flow. I, as a person, am a work in progress. I know this, and I embrace this. So, though I never may be quite jokes enough, it's not going to stop me from doing and being what I want to do and be.

DFTBA,
Kay.

OH! Also, many of you probably don't know what "DFTBA" means either.. This is also something any Nerdfighter knows. It's the abbreviation for Don't Forget To Be Awesome. So yeah, now you know. :)

Hotel California

I've been listening to the song 'Hotel California' by The Eagles on repeat for god knows how long. A few of the lines in the song got me thinking. For example, some of the lines in the song are "Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget" and "And she said, 'We are all prisoners here, of our own device." and "We are programmed to receive. You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave." The last line is the one that makes me think most.

This song really got me wondering. I wanted to know what the band's initial meaning for the lyrics are, so I looked up the song on Wikipedia.com. This says that "This song is generally understood to be an allegory about hedonism and self-destruction in the Southern California music industry of the late 1970's; Don Henley called it 'Our interpretation of the high life in Lost Angeles'". Learning this, I was a little disappointed. When I heard the lyrics, I thought of much deeper things.

However, I quickly remembered that music can be interpreted by people any way they wish. What the song means for the band doesn't necessarily have to be what it means to you. The following things are a couple ways that I've interpreted this song.

The first thing I thought when I heard this song is that it was all a metaphor for terminal illnesses. The main reason I thought that was the last line (You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave). I think it's quite understandable how I came upon the terminal illness interpretation. I thought immediately of my grandmother. She died about a year and a half ago of lung cancer. When she got sick I couldn't stand the thought that there was nothing she or we ("we" being me and the rest of her family) could do to make her escape her pain before her death. When I listen to this song I realize how true it was that she could "checkout but never leave". Even if she accepted the fact that she had cancer, and she did, it wouldn't make the fact that it was going to take her life change. So in a way, the fear of dying "checked out", but the fact that she was going to die never left. Even when she passed, and didn't have to suffer anymore, she "checked out" as a victim of cancer. That fact would never leave. It would always be a part of her memory.

The second thing I thought of when I heard this song is that it could be signifying drug addiction. Once again, this wasn't just a random thought. Many people close to me in my life have battled drug addictions. The main one was my mother. She was addicted to Cocaine for many years, and even after she didn't do it so much, she became addicted to narcotics. After about 10 years of being addicted and screwing up many aspects of her life, she knew she had to change. Be that as it may, she will always be known as an addict. It will NEVER stop being a part of her. Even now, she still does an occasional line of coke, just for the hell of it. She is by no means still hooked on it, but she still has the occasional craving, and that's understandable. Many, many, MANY lines in this song made me think of addiction. A few are "This could be heaven, or this could be hell." "Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget." "And still those voices are calling from far away." "We are all just prisoners here of our own device" "They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast." "Running for the door, I had to find the passage back to the place I was before." There are even more than just those, but I thought those were more than enough to show my point. The dance line is one of the ones that made me think of it most. The way that addicts have different reasons for doing drugs. Some do it to alter the way they think about things. Some do it just to feel good. Some do it just because they can't stop. Some do it to make them forget the things they think are bad in their lives. Even if you're a recovered addict, it's something you can never escape. You'll always be tagged as an addict. Just like the traveler in the song couldn't escape Hotel California, addicts can't escape their addiction.

Eek, I just realized how long this blog is getting o_o; I'll just name a couple other things I thought of when listening to this song, but I won't go into detail like I did with the past two. Hopefully you can figure out my reasoning. One is that Hotel California was a symbol for an insane asylum. Another is that it was Hotel California is a symbol for suffering. The last was that Hotel California is signifying Hell.

Well, those are just my opinions. I always wonder how other people interpret this song, and I wonder if anyone will agree with any of my interpretations... And yes, I know I used the word "interpret" too many times. So sue me =P haha.

Well that's it, I suppose. Hope I got ya thinkin'.

As always, DFTBA,
Kay.

Note to self.

Note to self:
Don't watch movies like Titanic or What A Girl Wants when you're feeling particularly lonely and hopelessly romantic.

As always, DFTBA.

Aha! I can post surveys here too.

RED
What is love? -breaks into song- Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more. -ahem- Uhhhh, haha. I don't know what love is. Well, I do, but I don't know how to say what it is.
Name 3 things you feel very passionate about: Photography, relationships, living.
Does fire fascinate you? To an extent. I'm not, by any means, a pyromaniac though.
Do you have a short temper? No.
Are you very warm hearted? To an extent.
Do you feel intense emotions? Yes

ORANGE
Are you bright? Define "bright". As in, intelligent, yes. As in, bubbly, not really.
What are the three most wholesome things you’ve done lately? -blank stare- Sadly, I don't think I've done anything wholesome lately.
Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? - Yes
Are you rich in self confidence? - No
Are you rich in vitamin c? Haha, no. As far as I know I have a vitamin c deficiency

YELLOW
Are you a very happy person? - No, but I'm not manically depressive.
Do you like the sun? - Yes.
Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? - Not really
Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? - No. Most times I feel as if it's muted.
Do you feel warm inside when you hug people? - Yes

GREEN
Are you incredibly lucky? - No. If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
Are you easy going? - Pretty much.
Are you very mischievious? - You spelled mischievous wrong. And, yes, I suppose I can be.
Are you very lusty/sexy? - Sexy, no. Lusty, well.. Blame the teenage hormones.
Ever find a four leafed clover? - Nope
Are you fresh like a mint? - Haha, Nice simile. Um. I don't know quite what you mean though.
Does nature speak to you? - Yes.

BLUE
Do you love to look at water? - Yes.
Are you calm/relaxed? - Pretty much all the time, yes. I'm one of the most mellow people anyone could meet.
Is it very difficult to upset you? - Yes.
Are you at peace? - In certain ways, yes.
Are you comforting? - Yes.
Are you well balanced? - No way.
Are you content? - No.
Are you royalty? - -bemused look-
Are you very free spirited? Yes
Are you conceited? - Not at all.
Do you have a passion for indulgence? - No.
Are you a grape? - I don't believe so?
Are you a purple horseshoe? - Certainly not.

PINK
Are you less than intense? - Meh. Define "intense"
Are you incredibly feminine? - I can be when I want to.

BLACK
Do you absorb everything possible? - Yes.
Are you incredibly energetic? - I can be. I find myself, however, feeling very lethargic too much.

GOLD
Are you expensive? - Not at all. I'm extremely low maintenance.
Are you worth it? - I don't know. I don't think so. You tell me.

First blog...

Why am I blogging? Well, a total of four of my friends now have blogs on some site or other, and I figured I'd start my own.. However, as I was browsing through the various blogs on this site I realized that I have nothing even slightly interesting to say about anything, really, in comparison.

I'm not embarking on some journey to find myself. I'm not following the success of a new business or a new home. I don't have a growing family to talk about. I don't have a goal I'm trying to achieve. I just have a lot of free time, and a want to write about something, anything, to keep my mind busy.

So, although I have nothing particularly engrossing to write about, I will be updating this blog quite frequently. By 'frequently' I mean multiple times a week. Sometimes, even, multiple times a day.

In the meantime, DFTBA.
Kay.