PERFECT song for me right now.

If you've ever seen Ghost Ship, you know this song.

Lyrics:
Silent in my sanity
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

I let you win, you come on to me
And you're so fucking brave
A chewed out lighted candle
Fell in my cool and empty cave
Somewhere in your world
They tell you this is what the people need
Doing all that shit on me
And leave me here to bleed

Cradle falls
(I live save inside my cell)
(In the darkness that surrounds me)
Unholy walls

Cradle falls, unholy walls
Cradle falls

Silent in my sanity
I live safe inside my cell
In the darkness that surrounds me
I see my own special hell
Comfort in my suffering
Feeling warm inside this pain
Before I was coming down on me
I come on down again

You woke me out of my secret grave
You let your pretty world in

Cradle falls
(I live silently inside my cell)
(You woke me out of my sin)
Unholy walls
(You woke me out of my secret grave)
(You let your pretty world in)
Fall...

Now you're in my world
Did you dream it be so small
My little box was perfect
'Till you destroyed it all
My sanctity of sorrow gone
Forever in it's place
The sacred sweet of you
Is all that's left to taste

Feeling claustrophobic
Now my world is closing in
Subtle retribution
Where I am and where I've been
I'll take you to a place
You never knew could be
Curled up, in my little box

Cradle falls


- My Little Box by Gabriel Mann



I'm not even going to write anything else, because it's extremely self-explanatory. Interpret it as you will, but if you know me, you should be able to understand.

Blurb.

My hope/sanity/patience is wearing much too thin.

R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

"I'm thinking maybe I'm actually gettin' close to finding out who I am..."

Believe me, uttering that line (or anything to it's effects) is not a way to gain my respect.
Tell me that you know who you are. You don't have to know what your purpose on earth is or where you're going in life. Just tell me that you know WHO you are, and I'll respect you. Even hinting that you're not sure who you are makes me believe that you can't know who I am, and if you can't know who I am, I don't want to associate with you, and I certainly don't want to respect you. You can't know other people if you don't know yourself.


"It's my -insert number here- month/year clean today."

NEVER a good way to earn my respect.
Sure, that's cool that you've gone however long you have without using drugs, but the fact that you USED to be addicted to some substance or other isn't cool. Tell me on your deathbed that you haven't touched a single mind-altering substance in your entire life and you'll gain my utmost respect. But if you've still got a lot of livin' to do, and you tell me you've kicked a habit for part of your life, I won't care. You still have time to mess up.


"I haven't eaten meat in -insert number here- months/years."

That's supposed to GAIN my respect?
-insert ticked off look here- Vegetarians/Vegans ANNOY me. It's great that you're doing something about something you believe in, but that's just idiotic. Animals are here for a reason. To feed us and give us nutrition. Being a vegetarian is not a healthy lifestyle, no matter WHAT you say. And either way, they're going to keep killin' the animals (If you even THINK of saying "supply and demand" about that, I'm going to supply my foot up your ass and demand you shut up). So, if you're livin' with other meat-eaters and they throw away a little bit of meat for every time you don't eat, that's a waste of life. Think a little, please.


"I've never talked bad about another person."

Hahahahaha.. Hahahaha... Hahaha.. Haha.. Ohh wow.
I just have somethin' to call you, and it definitely ain't somethin' along the lines of someone who deserves more respect from me...
Liar.


"I've never been tempted by others during my relationship/marriage."

Bigger liar. It's human nature to be attracted to more than one person. If you truthfully say to me that you've been tempted, but have never strayed, THAT will gain my respect, because that takes a lot of strength. Put it this way. You're a dog on a leash. It's only fair to give some slack on that leash, but the second you start pullin' on it, you should be yanked back.


"I take everything I do seriously, and make sure it gets done right and on time."

-swallows back bile-
Tight-ass. Has society sucked every single ounce of fun out of you? Did your mommy refuse you cartoons as a child? Was daddy too busy at work to play games with you? Christ, loosen up. It's awesome that you have responsibilities and that you can get stuff done, but I'm not going to respect you MORE unless you know when the time for fun is.


"I think I have a great sense of humor..."

Oh really? Great sense of humor, you say?
Quick.. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?... 1: If you didn't know that the answer to that is "Pizza's don't scream in the oven", then you don't have a great sense of humor. & 2: If you found that offensive and not funny AT ALL, you don't have a great sense of humor. If you have even a slightly good sense of humor, you would have found that joke at least a little bit funny. Sure, it's offensive, but offensive jokes are funny. Anyone who has a great sense of humor doesn't need to SAY that they have a great sense of humor. Prove it to me by being funny, or at least by appreciating a good joke, and I'll respect you.



I'm not saying that saying any of the above mentioned things will make me disrespect you, but saying them to try and GAIN my respect is a big mistake. You want to gain my respect? Be yourself. TRULY yourself. Don't try and be what society has told you to be. Don't try to be what you've been taught to be all your life. Don't try to be what you think other people will appreciate and respect. DO NOT try to impress me. Do NOT tell me things that you think will gain my respect. If you have the balls to stand up to me and confidently be yourself and say "Hey, I fuck up sometimes, but I learn from every fuck up I commit. I may not be perfect, and you can't change me. Take me for everything I am, or leave me for what I'm not.", I'll give you all the respect in the world.



DFTBA, it's important,
Kay.

They're Taking The Hobbits To Isengard!

Ohhhh my gosh. I can't believe I haven't seen this video before.
I have to share it with any non-nerdfighters or non-vlogbrother-watchers. Or even any Nerdfighters who've stumbled upon my blog. But then again, you've probably already seen this video, and not been stupid like me, and accidentally skipped over it >.< Well, some NITs might not have seen this. Gah. Whatever. This video is just made of so much awesome, and if you've seen it once, you should see it again. And again. And again. AND AGAIN! o_o;

It's Hank in Denver Airport.



IT'S SO JOKES!

Never FTBA,
Kay.

Oh, John Green.

"Hank, I'll be the first to admit that the puppy sized elephant would be cuter if it were not so... dead." -cut to picture of small elephant skeleton- "But still! Pretty cute! It turns out that there were several different kinds of miniature elephants, some of which were so small that they were only like, three feet tall. Hank, it's believed that the last species of puppy sized elephant went extinct about four thousand years ago. It's not clear what killed them off, but it might have been people. Oh, people. Why must you ruin everything? In fact, Hank, if I ever do get a letter back from evolution, it's probably going to go something like this:

"Dear Human,
Thank you for your letter. We made you a puppy sized elephant. But then you killed it. Fancy that. You're welcome for your thumbs.
Evolution.""
-John Green (VlogBrothers ep: "A Short History of the PUPPY SIZED ELEPHANT")


^ That is one of the most made of awesome quotes I've ever heard in my life. Thank you, John.
I will never be as jokes as Mr. Green, but I can still practically idolize him. His awesome style of writing, his devilishly handsome (and no, YouTube is not devilishly blurry) looks, his quick wit and nerd jokes. Oh, what it must be like to be John Green... Meeting him is definitely on my "TTDBID" list.

I'll keep hoping & You guys DFTBA,
Kay.

Note to self.

Note to self:
Remember this about the boy.

(text message) "Night babe, love toy"
(in my head) "Love toy? Double you tee eff? haha"
(text message) "You* lol Love toy sounds so wrong."

His quirky moments never cease to make you giggle & try not to forget that.


&; DFTBA

Just a note...

In case anyone doesn't understand my blog title thingy, (as I expect 99% of anyone who possibly reads my blog won't) it sort of means that I believe what I do is never quite good enough. "Jokes" = Cool. If anyone's a Nerdfighter out there, you understand how "jokes" became the word to replace "cool". But yeah, I've never been quite cool enough for many people's standards. However, to me, this isn't a terrible thing. I roll with it as best I can. I try to just go with my own flow. I, as a person, am a work in progress. I know this, and I embrace this. So, though I never may be quite jokes enough, it's not going to stop me from doing and being what I want to do and be.

DFTBA,
Kay.

OH! Also, many of you probably don't know what "DFTBA" means either.. This is also something any Nerdfighter knows. It's the abbreviation for Don't Forget To Be Awesome. So yeah, now you know. :)

Hotel California

I've been listening to the song 'Hotel California' by The Eagles on repeat for god knows how long. A few of the lines in the song got me thinking. For example, some of the lines in the song are "Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget" and "And she said, 'We are all prisoners here, of our own device." and "We are programmed to receive. You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave." The last line is the one that makes me think most.

This song really got me wondering. I wanted to know what the band's initial meaning for the lyrics are, so I looked up the song on Wikipedia.com. This says that "This song is generally understood to be an allegory about hedonism and self-destruction in the Southern California music industry of the late 1970's; Don Henley called it 'Our interpretation of the high life in Lost Angeles'". Learning this, I was a little disappointed. When I heard the lyrics, I thought of much deeper things.

However, I quickly remembered that music can be interpreted by people any way they wish. What the song means for the band doesn't necessarily have to be what it means to you. The following things are a couple ways that I've interpreted this song.

The first thing I thought when I heard this song is that it was all a metaphor for terminal illnesses. The main reason I thought that was the last line (You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave). I think it's quite understandable how I came upon the terminal illness interpretation. I thought immediately of my grandmother. She died about a year and a half ago of lung cancer. When she got sick I couldn't stand the thought that there was nothing she or we ("we" being me and the rest of her family) could do to make her escape her pain before her death. When I listen to this song I realize how true it was that she could "checkout but never leave". Even if she accepted the fact that she had cancer, and she did, it wouldn't make the fact that it was going to take her life change. So in a way, the fear of dying "checked out", but the fact that she was going to die never left. Even when she passed, and didn't have to suffer anymore, she "checked out" as a victim of cancer. That fact would never leave. It would always be a part of her memory.

The second thing I thought of when I heard this song is that it could be signifying drug addiction. Once again, this wasn't just a random thought. Many people close to me in my life have battled drug addictions. The main one was my mother. She was addicted to Cocaine for many years, and even after she didn't do it so much, she became addicted to narcotics. After about 10 years of being addicted and screwing up many aspects of her life, she knew she had to change. Be that as it may, she will always be known as an addict. It will NEVER stop being a part of her. Even now, she still does an occasional line of coke, just for the hell of it. She is by no means still hooked on it, but she still has the occasional craving, and that's understandable. Many, many, MANY lines in this song made me think of addiction. A few are "This could be heaven, or this could be hell." "Some dance to remember. Some dance to forget." "And still those voices are calling from far away." "We are all just prisoners here of our own device" "They stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't kill the beast." "Running for the door, I had to find the passage back to the place I was before." There are even more than just those, but I thought those were more than enough to show my point. The dance line is one of the ones that made me think of it most. The way that addicts have different reasons for doing drugs. Some do it to alter the way they think about things. Some do it just to feel good. Some do it just because they can't stop. Some do it to make them forget the things they think are bad in their lives. Even if you're a recovered addict, it's something you can never escape. You'll always be tagged as an addict. Just like the traveler in the song couldn't escape Hotel California, addicts can't escape their addiction.

Eek, I just realized how long this blog is getting o_o; I'll just name a couple other things I thought of when listening to this song, but I won't go into detail like I did with the past two. Hopefully you can figure out my reasoning. One is that Hotel California was a symbol for an insane asylum. Another is that it was Hotel California is a symbol for suffering. The last was that Hotel California is signifying Hell.

Well, those are just my opinions. I always wonder how other people interpret this song, and I wonder if anyone will agree with any of my interpretations... And yes, I know I used the word "interpret" too many times. So sue me =P haha.

Well that's it, I suppose. Hope I got ya thinkin'.

As always, DFTBA,
Kay.

Note to self.

Note to self:
Don't watch movies like Titanic or What A Girl Wants when you're feeling particularly lonely and hopelessly romantic.

As always, DFTBA.

Aha! I can post surveys here too.

RED
What is love? -breaks into song- Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me, no more. -ahem- Uhhhh, haha. I don't know what love is. Well, I do, but I don't know how to say what it is.
Name 3 things you feel very passionate about: Photography, relationships, living.
Does fire fascinate you? To an extent. I'm not, by any means, a pyromaniac though.
Do you have a short temper? No.
Are you very warm hearted? To an extent.
Do you feel intense emotions? Yes

ORANGE
Are you bright? Define "bright". As in, intelligent, yes. As in, bubbly, not really.
What are the three most wholesome things you’ve done lately? -blank stare- Sadly, I don't think I've done anything wholesome lately.
Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? - Yes
Are you rich in self confidence? - No
Are you rich in vitamin c? Haha, no. As far as I know I have a vitamin c deficiency

YELLOW
Are you a very happy person? - No, but I'm not manically depressive.
Do you like the sun? - Yes.
Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? - Not really
Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? - No. Most times I feel as if it's muted.
Do you feel warm inside when you hug people? - Yes

GREEN
Are you incredibly lucky? - No. If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.
Are you easy going? - Pretty much.
Are you very mischievious? - You spelled mischievous wrong. And, yes, I suppose I can be.
Are you very lusty/sexy? - Sexy, no. Lusty, well.. Blame the teenage hormones.
Ever find a four leafed clover? - Nope
Are you fresh like a mint? - Haha, Nice simile. Um. I don't know quite what you mean though.
Does nature speak to you? - Yes.

BLUE
Do you love to look at water? - Yes.
Are you calm/relaxed? - Pretty much all the time, yes. I'm one of the most mellow people anyone could meet.
Is it very difficult to upset you? - Yes.
Are you at peace? - In certain ways, yes.
Are you comforting? - Yes.
Are you well balanced? - No way.
Are you content? - No.
Are you royalty? - -bemused look-
Are you very free spirited? Yes
Are you conceited? - Not at all.
Do you have a passion for indulgence? - No.
Are you a grape? - I don't believe so?
Are you a purple horseshoe? - Certainly not.

PINK
Are you less than intense? - Meh. Define "intense"
Are you incredibly feminine? - I can be when I want to.

BLACK
Do you absorb everything possible? - Yes.
Are you incredibly energetic? - I can be. I find myself, however, feeling very lethargic too much.

GOLD
Are you expensive? - Not at all. I'm extremely low maintenance.
Are you worth it? - I don't know. I don't think so. You tell me.

First blog...

Why am I blogging? Well, a total of four of my friends now have blogs on some site or other, and I figured I'd start my own.. However, as I was browsing through the various blogs on this site I realized that I have nothing even slightly interesting to say about anything, really, in comparison.

I'm not embarking on some journey to find myself. I'm not following the success of a new business or a new home. I don't have a growing family to talk about. I don't have a goal I'm trying to achieve. I just have a lot of free time, and a want to write about something, anything, to keep my mind busy.

So, although I have nothing particularly engrossing to write about, I will be updating this blog quite frequently. By 'frequently' I mean multiple times a week. Sometimes, even, multiple times a day.

In the meantime, DFTBA.
Kay.